Architecture Humor

An Engineer, a Contractor and a Developer were asked to measure the
height of a flag pole. The Engineer suggested that they measure the
shadow calculate the time of day to get the sun angle to determine the
hypotenuse as solve the problem. The Contractor suggested they build
a scaffold to the top and measure directly the height. The Developer
proposed hiring a consultant so that if anything went wrong they
could blame them.

As this argument ensued an Architect happened by and was [/b]
listening intently to the discussion. Once he had discerned the
problem; he walked over to the pole, pulled it out of its mount, laid
it down and measured it. After handing his results to the group, the
Developer chimed in, “…isn’t that just like an Architect… you ask for
height, and they give you length…

An Architect, engineer,and doctor are going to the guillotine,
the doctor goes first. Swish,
down comes the blade and stops an inch from the doctor's neck. "A
miracle," cries the crowd, "set him free."
The engineer is next, and the exact same thing happens. He goes free.
The architect ascends the scaffold, points upward and tells the executioner,
"I see your problem, you have a kink in the rope right there."

Dear Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminium, vinyl or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminium, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that the kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refigerator.

To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in- laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the colour of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbour's house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 25 meter swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new home without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as interesting a project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

P.S.: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions that I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

P.P.S.: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

[Author unknown]

Four friends

Four friends whose careers were an architect, a surgeon, a politician and an anesthetist met regularly for a monthly discussion.

This month’s topic was whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon opened the discussion by stating that in the good book it says that the lord took a rib from Adam and created woman, that, my friends, requires the skill of a surgeon, the greatest of them all, so therefore it follows that my profession is the oldest.

Then the anesthetist looked at the surgeon and said my friend you have got it wrong, before surgery can take place the patient must be put to sleep, that requires the skills of an anesthetist, the greatest of them all so I claim that my profession is the oldest.

Then the architect looked at the surgeon and the anesthetist and countered them with the fact that before anything existed there was nothing but organized chaos, every thing had to be planned, blueprinted, and built, that my friends takes the skills of more...